dude i'm inner monologue high
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
