And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
