Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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