god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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