The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
