I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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