I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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