Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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