In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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