ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize