Who wears a wallet chain?!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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