just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
