You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
