i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
