I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
