Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
