When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
