I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize