sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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