I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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