He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
