i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
