I wish my penis had an off switch
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
