just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
