Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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