After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
