cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
