I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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