I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
