Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
