Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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