Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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