the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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