I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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