I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
