brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
