just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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