There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
