we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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