you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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