8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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