i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
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