She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
