I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
