That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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