Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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