dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
