you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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