i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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