Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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