Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
