I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The air taste purple.
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