Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
