my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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