There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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