Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You need Xanax blowdarts
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
