i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
