Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
