somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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