my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
