It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
