Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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