i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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