i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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