He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
