AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
