Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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